A Blow to the Heart/30.Jan.2013
Sunday, I got a phone call that I had been anticipating, but still hit me like a ton of bricks. My father called to tell me that his cancer had returned and that there was nothing they could do for him. He informed me that pain management was going to be his course of action and that he would be lucky to see the 4th of July.
Needless to say, I have been in a state of emotional turmoil for the past few days. I randomly break down at little things. Crying while driving on the freeway in the middle of heavy morning traffic on a rainy Tuesday is not highly recommended.
So, in order to try to collect myself and give myself something else to focus on, I started knitting my father a pair of socks. Not just ANY socks, mind you, but the Saviano. The Saviano is a beautiful, complex cabled sock designed by Marjan Hammink, also known in knitting circles as yarnissima. She has designed several amazing sock patterns, but the Saviano is one I have eyed for several years now and even attempted once before.
Somehow, I decided that my father needed not just any pair of socks, but a pair of Savianos. What made me think that this was a good idea I may never know. What I do know is this: I have just cast on for them a fourth time. Yes, you read that correctly. 4. You may wonder what on earth these socks could have to do with my journey to onderland. I will tell you. Nothing and everything.
Here is the kicker. When I was younger, I watched the movie "Amadeus." Mozart and his father had a relationship not unlike my view of the relationship I have with my father. In the movie, it is indicated that Mozart's father was the inspiration for his Requiem mass. Ironically enough, the Requiem is the soundtrack I hear in my mind as I knit. It haunts me subconsciously, almost accusingly, as if these socks are a sort of requiem that I am forcing myself to knit with these needles and thread. It's as if they are a self-imposed penance.
Needless to say, I have been in a state of emotional turmoil for the past few days. I randomly break down at little things. Crying while driving on the freeway in the middle of heavy morning traffic on a rainy Tuesday is not highly recommended.
So, in order to try to collect myself and give myself something else to focus on, I started knitting my father a pair of socks. Not just ANY socks, mind you, but the Saviano. The Saviano is a beautiful, complex cabled sock designed by Marjan Hammink, also known in knitting circles as yarnissima. She has designed several amazing sock patterns, but the Saviano is one I have eyed for several years now and even attempted once before.
Somehow, I decided that my father needed not just any pair of socks, but a pair of Savianos. What made me think that this was a good idea I may never know. What I do know is this: I have just cast on for them a fourth time. Yes, you read that correctly. 4. You may wonder what on earth these socks could have to do with my journey to onderland. I will tell you. Nothing and everything.
Here is the kicker. When I was younger, I watched the movie "Amadeus." Mozart and his father had a relationship not unlike my view of the relationship I have with my father. In the movie, it is indicated that Mozart's father was the inspiration for his Requiem mass. Ironically enough, the Requiem is the soundtrack I hear in my mind as I knit. It haunts me subconsciously, almost accusingly, as if these socks are a sort of requiem that I am forcing myself to knit with these needles and thread. It's as if they are a self-imposed penance.
Keep your head up Suz! I love you!
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