Takin' it to the Bridge Again
Saturday morning was amazing. The 4th annual Summerfest Rock n' Sole Run went down, and I got to be a part of it. LOVED it. I loved every concrete pounding, cowbell ringing minute of it. It was hard. I was out of practice. I only did a very hilly 2 mile walk last week and that kicked my tail, and that didn't prepare my body for the race that I completed today, but I did it.
This whole past week, I was still bumming about not having the drive to make this weight loss thing work. (see Running Revisited) I had three moments happen in the past two days that gave me some perspective that I feel merits sharing, so, here goes:
1. We were at the park and I caught a glimpse of my shadow. I realize that shadows can be misconstrued, but you need to look a certain way for a shadow to fall and my shadow showed me some truths about my figure that I like to remain in the dark about. I don't like to think of myself as a large woman, but I am. It really can't be denied. I still don't feel big, because big is something I've always been. I guess that's why it's easy for me to fool myself into thinking that I can run, because I don't think that I can't run. My weight is not an obstacle in my mind.
2. Saturday morning, before my race, my DH, DS & I were standing in the shade of a building in front of a shop filled with clothes into which I will probably never fit. I took a picture of my reflection in the window over one of the dressed mannequins. Mind you, this dress is probably a 2 or a 4, neither the likes of which have ever covered my behind nor shall they, but it illustrated to me that I indeed am a large woman. I cannot deny it when it's directly in front of my face. But even that didn't stop me from running today.
3. I ran my race. Today, since it's been such a great while since I ran, I did 1/3 intervals. That means I ran for a minute, then walked for three. It seemed to work for me for the first mile, but for mile 2 and part of mile 3, I skipped the jogging minutes. This year I weighed in 11 pounds heavier than when I took it to the bridge last year. I ended up finishing 8 seconds shy of ten minutes more than last year. I know this is a different year and that I am at a different place than I was in 2013, but I realized something in these moments. I want to do more.
I don't necessarily want to fit in the dress. I don't need to place in the race. My goal is to finish and to do the best I can do. If that means being faster than the last time, great! If that means running longer intervals, sweet! I do it for myself, but also for these guys.
You can see my DS here in the shot, but if you look carefully, you can also see the reflection of the wonderful man I married, who is taking this photo. My son loves to cheer me on. He gives me the wherewithal to do this. He doesn't judge me based on my size. He cheers me on because I'm his mom. My husband told me today that I should be proud of myself for what I do. I don't do this for that reason, but that shows me that he is proud of me. That has never been a doubt in my mind.
I will do this thing. I don't do it because I love it, but I do it because I love that I can do it. I found my want to.
This whole past week, I was still bumming about not having the drive to make this weight loss thing work. (see Running Revisited) I had three moments happen in the past two days that gave me some perspective that I feel merits sharing, so, here goes:
1. We were at the park and I caught a glimpse of my shadow. I realize that shadows can be misconstrued, but you need to look a certain way for a shadow to fall and my shadow showed me some truths about my figure that I like to remain in the dark about. I don't like to think of myself as a large woman, but I am. It really can't be denied. I still don't feel big, because big is something I've always been. I guess that's why it's easy for me to fool myself into thinking that I can run, because I don't think that I can't run. My weight is not an obstacle in my mind.
2. Saturday morning, before my race, my DH, DS & I were standing in the shade of a building in front of a shop filled with clothes into which I will probably never fit. I took a picture of my reflection in the window over one of the dressed mannequins. Mind you, this dress is probably a 2 or a 4, neither the likes of which have ever covered my behind nor shall they, but it illustrated to me that I indeed am a large woman. I cannot deny it when it's directly in front of my face. But even that didn't stop me from running today.
3. I ran my race. Today, since it's been such a great while since I ran, I did 1/3 intervals. That means I ran for a minute, then walked for three. It seemed to work for me for the first mile, but for mile 2 and part of mile 3, I skipped the jogging minutes. This year I weighed in 11 pounds heavier than when I took it to the bridge last year. I ended up finishing 8 seconds shy of ten minutes more than last year. I know this is a different year and that I am at a different place than I was in 2013, but I realized something in these moments. I want to do more.
I don't necessarily want to fit in the dress. I don't need to place in the race. My goal is to finish and to do the best I can do. If that means being faster than the last time, great! If that means running longer intervals, sweet! I do it for myself, but also for these guys.
You can see my DS here in the shot, but if you look carefully, you can also see the reflection of the wonderful man I married, who is taking this photo. My son loves to cheer me on. He gives me the wherewithal to do this. He doesn't judge me based on my size. He cheers me on because I'm his mom. My husband told me today that I should be proud of myself for what I do. I don't do this for that reason, but that shows me that he is proud of me. That has never been a doubt in my mind.
I will do this thing. I don't do it because I love it, but I do it because I love that I can do it. I found my want to.
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