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Today is the first page of a 365 page book.  I'm going to make it a good one.  

Let me insert a disclaimer right here.  I want you to know, if you're reading this, you are reading about my life journey.  I am just a soul in a body on a journey in this life.  If that interests you, fantastic!  If you are here waiting for a miracle, hey!  That could happen, too.  But, if you are here waiting for recipes and workout plans and weight loss obsession, this blog is not for you.  There will be some talk of weight loss, but it won't be the primary focus.

This morning, I woke up at 0640.  I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and weighed myself.  In the past week, the theme of the events and wisdom coming into my life is change.  This isn't any old change.  It's not the typical New Year's Resolution kind of change.  It's big and true and honest change.  

I listen to K-LOVE on a regular basis.  One day sometime earlier this week, I was driving and listening to the radio.  Lysa TerKeurst came on talking about her journey to become a better wife.  In this journey, she was striving to become the perfect wife and became so overwhelmed at the prospect and didn't know where to start. She asked her husband to suggest three areas in which she could improve her life.  One of the things, the only one I really remember, was that she should make sure to take care of herself body and soul.  This really hit home for me.  

I haven't been reading my Bible very much at all in the past year.  Every now and then, I look up the verse of the day that pops up on my YouVersion app and create an image to save, but I don't really consider it much past that.  I do have a Bible study on that very app that I am starting today.  I had been invited by a friend to join her in reading the whole Bible in one year, but I am not good with commitments.  I have decided to do a 30 day plan instead and go from there.  I am starting with My Utmost for His Highest, 30 Day Edition.  I know that I am able to follow something, anything, for at least one month.  This is where I am starting spiritually.  I really want to meet my potential and I am a person who needs boundaries and schedules.  This is why I chose this particular study.  I want to be the best version of myself that I can starting where I am now.

Now, regarding caring for my body has been a life long struggle for me.  I have not been very kind to my body.  I have weighed at the most 340 pounds, and I don't know that for sure, because my scale finally reached E that day.  E stands for error.  This morning, I weighed in at 318 pounds.  It is not my highest, but it is not the healthiest for my body.  This year in October, I got diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  I was devastated and felt like a failure.  I wasn't really surprised, because I hadn't been doing much to prevent it in the past two years, but I wasn't happy about it either.   

I picked up an agenda/goal planner/journal on Kickstarter a few months ago.  It can be found on the Commit30 website here.  They still have some left for this year and they're 40% off right now.  I really implore you to check it out if you find that you are interested in being more productive in your life via goal setting.  The beginning of the book has an area for setting goals in several different areas of your life.  This is followed by some pages where you can enter your monthly goals for the year.  At the beginning of each month, there are some pages where you can highlight a particular thing you want to focus on for that month and list a reward for yourself when you achieve it.  This month, I am going to work on drinking water.  Yes, I am going to drink water.  I don't drink enough and I believe that hydration will help me improve in other areas.  At the end of the month, I'll let you know how I do.  

That having been said, I do plan on working out this year.  I plan on reading the Bible with seriousness and sincerity.  I plan on finishing up knitting projects that have been neglected for far too long.

I have at least 12 works in progress, also known in the crafting world as WIPs.  12 months 12 projects, it's really a no-brainer to me.  

I had also neglected this blog for quite some time.  I blogged more often 2 years ago when I was so on the fitness train and working out on the regular.  I had gotten down to 261.5 pounds.  I was so close to 250 pounds I could taste it.  I lost my motivation.  I probably got depressed.  I started gaining weight back and the more I gained, the more self resentment accrued.  I felt more and more hopeless and like a failure as time went on and so did the pounds.  

I'm almost 42 years old.  I want to live.  I want to thrive, not survive.  I am going to do these things. It's going to take time and it's not going to happen overnight.  Where have I heard THAT before?  I know what I need to do.  I also know that no one can do it for me.  Trust me, I know all the cliches better than I know my social security number.  

I've been listening to audio books regularly for the past 6 weeks.  I was jealous of my friends who read voraciously.  You see, I have a 7 year old and he needs attention, the kind that doesn't really allow for me to get all into a book.  When I was working third shift, I listened to audio books all the time.  Also, I sit very close to the entry door at work and it gets exceedingly distracting.  I had been listening to music at work for a while, so, I decided I would switch to audio books.  I've been eating them up for the past six weeks or so.  Well, with the looming New Year, my new planner, and an overwhelming desire to realize my dream of an organized life filled with met goals, I checked out a book called "You Can Begin Again" by Joyce Meyer.  Hold on, don't check out yet.  This is where it gets all tied in together.  When I started listening to "You Can Begin Again," I started accepting that I don't have to stay stuck where I am.  It's not too late.  The book brings up examples of people who were old and they had given up being useful.  These people had dreams that they had given up on and had let die.  I realized that I, too, have dreams.  I have things I want to accomplish.  It's not too late for me.   

For the past several months, the desire to really make some changes in my life has been slowly growing.  I had come across several goal planning journals on Kickstarter.  (I am waiting for the second one, but that one is for creativity purposes.  I'll write more about that when it arrives.)  I had been seriously pondering my role as wife and mother in my home, coworker at work, daughter, sister, and friend.  

I worked with a habit coach online for a good part of 6 months.  You can find her Facebook Page here.  She is awesome to work with and very encouraging.  She is in the business of encouraging women to make small changes and watch them add up.  I've kept off 9 of the pounds I lost working with her, but I still wasn't in that place I needed to be where I could really give it my all.  

For me, gaining the weight back that I had lost was so disheartening.  Not only did I have so much weight to lose, but I have to RELOSE 56.5 pounds.  Yes.  You read that right.  It was a daunting thought.  But, a lady I follow on Facebook relost a hundred pounds in 2015.  Suzi Storm is a maven and you can read her page here.  If she can do it, I can do it.  For the record, she is a beautiful woman, both before and after, but her confidence and determination just radiates in her current photos. Another amazing story I follow is Rhonda's.  She has lost over 275 pounds, but the weight loss isn't the best part.  What inspires me most is her consistency.  She recently ran her first marathon.  Her eyes sparkle with accomplishment.  You can read about her on her Facebook page here.

Now, I know I told you this wasn't going to be a weight loss page, and it's not.  It's about me and my journey and my life on the third rock from the sun.  I'm looking forward to the culmination of all the little changes I'm planning and the ones that aren't planned.  It's going to be an interesting ride!